But, Where is the Rum?
by Moonlit Crescendo
Summary: One shot of Curse of the Black Pearl. What would have happened if Elizabeth had gotten very drunk that night on the island and wouldn't have gotten rid of the rum for a big bonfire! ElizabethxJack.
1. Why is the Rum Gone? Pt I

A three part one-shot based on the scene from Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, where Elizabeth and Jack are stranded on the island with rum. This story is what would have happened if Elizabeth got off her high horse and just had fun with Jack and enjoyed the rum.

Rum disappears for a farrrrr different reason. A reason that pirate-lovers should expect, lol.

Madness and comedy galore!

* * *

Chapter One 

"…Why is the Rum Gone? Pt. I"

Jack danced around the flames and so did Elizabeth, as they sipped rum and made merry along the sand. "You see, this is what being a pirate is all about."

Elizabeth looked at him. "…Oh really? I don't know if I'm inclined to believe that."

"Well, Miss Swann," he said looking at her with a lazy eye. "May I call you 'Miss Swann'? …I believe being a pirate is not about how much rum you have, but how much you can consume," he said as she drank up another gulp.

"You're too drunk." Elizabeth then sipped a long guzzle and clinked his glass. "Well, then. Sea turtles, eh?"

"Yes, sea turtles. Saved me life, Miss Swann."

"It's _Elizabeth_," she corrected. "Not Eliza, not Beth, not Liz, not Lizzie. Not…Swann," she said with a giggle.

"Ay, 'tis so. So I guess you know that I'm a great pirate—best of them all. I won't ever forget the day I met you, Miss Swann…"

"Me?" she asked, taking a swig of her rum bottle. It was empty.

Jack handed her another. "Ay. You and that Commodore—what a lug he is—and ay, I saw you, Miss Elizabeth Swann... in a corset, sunk to the bottom of the sea. You always had a thing for the sea."

Elizabeth laughed. "I know, I know. I said to Will once, I love the sea. I love it! It made me feel gleeful and happy, and I…" she looked down. "Shall we dance once more, Captain?"

"Why, yes," he said taking her hand. "We shall. And let's sing that song again—the one we came up with… The one we could teach to the crew. …And _really_ bag eggs!"

"And really bad eggs!" Elizabeth said.

"Yes, really…really…bad eggs. And good rum." Jack danced around the bonfire and began to twirl Elizabeth. "Why yes, I do believe you are a great dancer, Miss Swann."

"Yes, I am often told. But I am beguiled by the reason why I am often conversed as."

"And I did not understand a word you just said, Miss Swann."

Elizabeth laughed. "And I did not, either. But I am confused to the puzzlement that makes you tilt your head and be frankly confused to the point of no return that makes you decide that you are undertaken by my comment…"

Jack tilted his head.

"…Captain Jack Sparrow," she finished with a smile.

"Ay. Now you're talking like a pirate! More rum!"

"More rum!"

She took his arms and linked them with his and they danced and danced until they fell onto the ground. Elizabeth giggled and turned to face him, her long hair all around him. "I ache," she said with a laugh.

"So do I." He faced her and rest his head on her shoulder. "You're quite energetic, Miss Swann."

"I told you, it's _Elizabeth_."

"Same thing," he said. "Rum…rum, Yo ho—the more you drink, the less you know."

"Interesting. So the more I drink, the less I remember?"

"Ay," Jack said. Elizabeth looked at him curiously. "I mean, _nay_. Nay. Not true," he furrowed his brow.

Elizabeth giggled as she took another swig. "How interesting," she said as she leaned into his face and climbed atop of him. "I've never noticed how tan you are, Captain Jack Sparrow." Ay, she was drunk. She let out a giggle. "And your eyes are so dark," she kissed his mouth without thinking.

Jack, who was underneath, was helpless under the young drunken girl. She pulled away and smiled gleefully. "Ay. I love rum," she said. "You taste like rum."

"Hah," Jack said. "We should drink some more."

"I believe _you_ have had enough, Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Ay, I believe so. Everyone tells me so…"

"Yes. And I am telling you now. I believe you should stop. _I_ will drink for you," Elizabeth then took a swig of the rum and drank for what seemed like a minute. Afterwards, she burped loudly. "Ay. Really bad eggs."

"You're supposed to be a lady, Elizabeth."

"Hah. I shall not, and I shall not be a lady around you, Captain Jack Sparrow." She rose and began to dance some more, her undergarment dress flowing around her. She then stopped and looked out to the sky. "The moon… I shall drink to that."

Jack looked up at her from the sand. "…Too much rum for you, you're just a young girl."

"Yes. And I shall drink to that as well." She drank. "All gone."

Jack laid his head back down. "Sleepy time now, sleep now."

Elizabeth fell on the sand beside him. "Yes, sleepy time." She snuggled beside him and laid on his arm.

The rum was still in the cache and there was plenty more where that came from.

- - -


	2. Why is the Rum Gone? Pt II

Chapter Two

"Why is the Rum Gone? Pt. II"

Elizabeth awoke to the sun in her eyes, while resting on Jack's arm. He shifted beside her as she looked at him, and then she double blinked. A scream was heard from her mouth as she was confused to what happened the night before.

"CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!!!!!!!"

Jack awoke to the sound of her screaming, piercing his eardrums. "What, what is it?" he said springing forth from the sand. "_What, what?!_"

"You are a horrible man," she said as she raised her hand to slap his cheek, but she didn't. "Look at all these rum bottles, Jack. _Look at them!_ You drank them all!"

"_I_ drank them? Excuse me, Elizabeth, but you drank them too."

"THAT'S MISS SWANN TO YOU, JACK SPARROW!" Elizabeth said, rising to her feet and kicking sand as she stomped away.

"_Captain_…" he corrected. He got up and followed her. "Where are you going?" He saw her heading towards the cache.

"Getting rid of this abomination of a drink," she said, gathering the bottles.

"Oh no you don't," Jack said, taking them from her hands. "We only have four bottles left, and we are not getting rid of them. Waste not, want not… I think."

"Fine," she said crossing her arms. "Then what do you suppose we do with them?"

Jack raised an eyebrow.

_Five minutes later._

"Ay, merry may we be, the pirate king as beautiful as she, and Yo ho and really bad eggs, we take the rum as we kick our legs!" Elizabeth giggled as she found herself dancing around the sand, rum in hand. "Ay, ay. I made a song, Jack! I made a beautiful song!

Jack looked at her with a smile. "So you did. Now, let's drink some more." He clinked their glasses. "Elizabeth, you really are a great pirate." He took off his hat and placed it on her head. "You could be my first mate…er, maiden. My first maiden."

"Yes, I shall! I'll be your first maiden, and you're second in hand to the crew! We'll sail together, one by one, together forever and search all the scallywags and be the greatest duo ever to sail the seven seas." Elizabeth rest her head on his shoulder. "And we could be married together, because I love you, Jack Sparrow!"

Jack looked at her quizzically. "…Ay?"

"Yes, yes. Married. Do it now. Marry us, you _are_ a captain, you must know some duties of being a priest! Marry us now!"

"But…I…"

"DO IT NOW!"

_After five minutes later and many sips of rum._

"…And so I pronounce thee, husband and wife, you may…kiss the bride—oh wait, that's us," Jack said, as he laughed. "Ay, kiss the bride." He kissed Elizabeth as they fell onto the sand. He pulled away and sipped more rum.

"You are amazing, Jack. I love you—rum. I love rum."

"I love rum, too."

Elizabeth lay on the sand and stretched out. "Sleepy time. Sleepy…"

"Yes, sleepy. Very sleepy, love."

"I am tired."

"Rum does that. Gives you good dreams. Dream well, poppet."

"Ay, dream well…pop?"

Jack laughed. He snuggled next to her; Elizabeth snuggled back.

_The next morning._

"Argh…" Elizabeth groaned as she woke up, feeling very groggy and hung over. She looked up to the sky and saw the sun high in the sky, as she found Jack beside her. Rum bottles, two, were scattered next to them.

"CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!!!"

"Yes?" Jack said, waking up.

"You drank again! And so did I? What happened?"

"Love, I don't know."

Elizabeth rubbed her eyes, but felt something scratchy on her finger; she looked to see a piece of grass entwined around her ring finger.

"Jack…why is there a blade a glass around my ring finger?" she asked, looking at him.

"..I…don't—oh. I know why."

Elizabeth raised her hand to slap him, but he moved away. "We're _married_?!"

"I think so, yes."

"Reverse it! Reverse it, reverse it!" she screamed.

"Only one way to do that, love."

"And that is…?"

_Five minutes later._

"Ay, you're right. I _do_ like being Elizabeth Sparrow-Swann! It feels so good to be married! Finally!" Elizabeth shouted cheerfully.

"Yes, love. I told you so. Drink more. Be merry. For that is the last of the rum."

Elizabeth stopped dancing. "What? What do you mean the last of the rum?" She walked towards him. "We must get more! More rum!"

"There is no more rum. The rum is gone. Gone, gone, gone, love. Non-existent. Incoherent. Extinct."

"No!!" Elizabeth whined. "We must have more! The rum is not gone!"

"Only one place where rum is…"

"Where?!"

"Tortuga. Loads of it," Jack said.

Elizabeth locked arms with him. "To Tortuga!"

"We have no means of transportation, love. We are stuck here, with one pistol and one bullet, and one heavily drunken woman named Elizabeth Sparrow-Swann." Jack said as he examined his hat. "I do not know what do now. We will surely die here."

Elizabeth looked at her rum bottle. She had a lot left. "Save this."

"Alright…"

Elizabeth fell to the ground and fell asleep.

"Um…" Jack said as she looked at the rum. Tempting… Should he drink it?

- - -


	3. Why is the Rum Gone? Pt III

The rum is gone...or is it? Well, you learn something new everyday. Heheheh. I do believe I have Elizabeth down-pat, and I wish I could see these two together so badly in a movie. It was meant to be, man! Meant to be! Cry.

And so, the last chapter. Don't worry. I'll make more. I type fast, so I pretty much can make more.

Tomorrow I'll be gone, though. At college...for orientation. Groan.

But I will be back the day after to post more stories!

Yayyyy!

* * *

Chapter Three 

"Why is the Rum Gone? Pt. III"

Elizabeth opened her eyes to find Jack with a bottle of half-empty rum. "Captain Jack Sparrow, you scoundrel! How dare you drink that rum without my permission!"

"I…uh…" he looked at it and swallowed hard. "Well, this rum is different than all the rest."

"Oh, is it?" Elizabeth looked at him with an angry eye. "Tell me how it is so _different_, Captain Jack Sparrow."

"We can use it for something…good?"

"Oh no, I am _not_ falling for that trick again, Jack. We shall use this rum for a far better purpose than what we are using it for now," she said as she snatched it away. "Now. Let's use it for a bonfire to get out of here!"

"No!" Jack pleaded.

Elizabeth slapped him. "No! You will do what I say, Captain Jack Sparrow, or face the consequences!"

Jack bent his head lower. "Yes, milady—at your command." He removed his hat for dramatic effect and bowed.

"Thank you," she said.

_Five minutes later…_

"What a bonfire! Look at it go!" Elizabeth said with a laugh. "It's large! Imagine what would happen if we used _all of the rum_!"

Jack let out a whimper. "Um…"

"And you," she said turning to face him. "We'll have white sails appearing over the horizon before you know it! I guarantee it! We'll be home free!"

Jack looked at her. "…And those sails… would they be the sails of Commodore Norrington?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Yes, he is quite fond of me. He would do anything for me." She let out a giggle.

"Well then, we shall use him as leverage to get off this island and attack Barbossa and exact my revenge upon them at the Isla de la Muerta!"

"Yes!" Elizabeth cheered. "You are finally seeing things my way. Perhaps we can get along, then?"

"Hmmm. Let's not push it," Jack said as he smiled.

Elizabeth socked him in the arm. "Hey, hey now, Jack. Be nice. I'm only rash because I want to be a protective person for you."

"Really now… Is that so?"

Elizabeth socked him in the arm again.

"HEY!"

"Look! White sails!"

_Five minutes later…_

"Well, if I would have known that wasn't a ship, I would have not chased it down," Jack said, shaking his shirt out.

"You're soaking wet, here…" she handed him a blanket.

"Where'd you get that?"

"…Um… The cache. I also found more rum." Elizabeth smiled.

"Oh, is that so then? Then we celebrate!"

Elizabeth guzzled the rum down. "I'm hungry," she said looking up at the palm tree with a bunch of fruit.

"Me too… But not for food."

Elizabeth glared. "Captain Jack Sparrow, you are impossible."

"Am I really?"

"Yes," Elizabeth said, wiping sweat away. "I'm going for a swim."

"Be careful. Rum plus the sea equals you're history."

"I'll keep that in mind," Elizabeth said as she unzipped the back of her undergarment.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

"…Getting undressed, what does it look like I'm doing?" Elizabeth said, turning back to face Jack. "Why? Have you never seen a girl naked before?"

"…That's not the point. I just…you're too bold, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth turned away. "Well, I can't just go with clothes on, can I? I'll be wet just like you!"

Jack sighed. "All right. Go ahead, but I won't look. Tell me when you are done."

"Okay," Elizabeth said as she unzipped. She then stopped and looked at Jack. "Close your eyes."

Jack closed his eyes and covered them for extra protection.

"Oh come on, Jack—am I that grotesque?"

"No. You're not. I just…I don't want to offend a young lady like yourself."

"I'm twenty. I'm hardly young."

"That's beside the point. Now, go ahead and get undressed."

Elizabeth made her way towards Jack and looked at him. An idea struck her. He was close to the waves… Too close. She then pushed him in the water and he fell right in.

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

Jack emerged from the water all sopping wet. "Argh. Elizabeth…"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist." Elizabeth said with a smile. "Push me in, if you like."

"Nah. I couldn't push a woman."

"Just this once? Have fun, Jack…" she took his hands and placed them on her shoulders. "Push me."

"Oh, alright. Fun, then." He pushed her in the water and she pulled him in. He splashed around and she clung to his back. "You didn't say push me in too!"

"I'm sorry," she said with a laugh.

"So…do you want me to reverse our vows?"

Elizabeth looked down. "…I…I don't know. You're growing on me."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yes. Very," she kissed him on the cheek.

"Oh look, white sails! Free rum for everyone!"

- - -


End file.
